"Bad, bad Leroy Brown. Baddest cat in this whole...um....town."

I'm bad. Well I was bad. Well I wrote an e-mail that was bad. I basically told someone they were going to eternal darkness, which if your religious is the worse thing you can say to someone (especially if you mean it). I think what's even worse is that I don't even feel bad. Let me explain.

Brad and I live in a hole. Ok it's a little more than a hole, I mean it does have a front door. Let's just say if someone wanted a really sweet walk-in closet, our house would be perfect. ANYWAY, we have decided to move. The nice (aka "livable") apartment complexes around town are too expensive and the cheaper ones are old and crawling with 60 years of sex, drugs and rock-and-roll. We have decided to do what any smart, capable young couple would do in our situation. Find another poor, out-of-luck bunch of sucker who is having

trouble trying to sell a house and offer to rent it for dirt cheap. We're just really giving like that. Anyways, I've been spending my free time on craigslist as of late and have been watching which houses can't sell. I saw this one ad for a GINORMOUS, beautiful home for rent for our perfect price range. Although part of me felt fishy about it I decided to shoot them an e-mail. I got this in return (feel free to scan, although the poor english is just truly great).

Hi,

Thanks for emailing me regarding the

house is still available, but presently I'm on business trip to West Africa. I bid for a portion of petroleum land

sometimes ago in West Africa and

fortunately I won, so I have to move quickly down to

Africa to have my company set up. I came over here with my wife, we both bought the house when we got married

. As soon as we settle down

here I had a thought of selling the house, so I have to look for an agent and getting

one we strike a deal but later my wife advised me on selling the house. I reasoned with her and accepted

her advice. So I contacted the agent back and requested for my keys and documents. Later we decided to have

the house rent out, we would have given the same agent this job also but the truth

of the matter is that the agent

would want to handle it professionally and the occupant may not be able to reason along with him later and moresome I do not have

anyone in the area I can

leave the keys behind with so that is why I posted ad myself. If you notice, you will discover

that the price we are offering is far below standard price and I this is enough for you to know

that we are not after the rental

fee but the absolute care for the property. I know there is no way I can be sure that you are the right person to live in the

house because we won't be able

to see physical before sending you the keys and the

documents to occupy the space. The house is available for as long as you want and if you drive by the house you may

see a sign there, you

have nothing to worry about it belongs to my previous agent so you have absolutely nothing

to worry about and you don't have to call them because they do not have access to the house anymore.

Please if you are ready now to occupy the house kindly provide the information belo

w for record purpose

Then he asked for more info,

like name and if you have any pets. OK so this is where I look dumb but whatever, I've done worse. I emailed him back

saying he should just stop looking because we were basically a god-given package and all he needed to do was

sign on the dotted line.

He then told me I need to wire him the first month's rent and

then he would send the keys. Luckily, before this email I had googled his name and number and found out that this was an over-seas scam that has been going on for over a year. You send the money and then you never hear from him again. I was beyond bugged! How dare he scam me! Not to mention that in two of his emails he had mentioned God to me as some sort of password and the answer was God loves his children. Weird! I was about to give up but instead I asked him where I should send the money. After receiving his full name and address I sent this. And yes, I sent it in red:

I can't believe you would even mention God when scamming hard working people for money. That sort of behavior is the

opposite of God. I am sending your information to the American police who have requested it and you will be

charged to the fullest extent of the law. If nothing else God will handle your judgement of scamming money from his

children when you die. I hope you enjoy jail. Or hell. Whichever comes first. p.s Nice english.

And I don't even feel bad.

P.s: Here's a picture of the house. I know, I know I should have known. I'm so easy.

"I love you, you love me, lets pin Barney to a tree"

I bought new glasses for 3 dollars. I don't need them. I have 20/20. Brad hates them. Even though I told him everyone is doing it. I feel like I know more when I wear them so I wear them my whole 25 minute drive to work and then I take them off before going inside. I try.

"Freak out, let it go Just freak out, let it go"

You know those mornings where you just think to your self, "yeah this is going to be a great day". But then there's also those morning where you think "Kill me, kill me now" Lately I've been having mornings like the later. I feel like its just a snowball effect. and then round 6 p.m you think, that's it I'm going to bed, only to find out its 6 pm and that's just depressing to go to bed before the sun.

To give you an example of what the heck I'm talking about let me map out just one of my recent days. I should have known it was going to be a trying day. Those days always began with waking up from a really great dream. Now I can't remember exactly was I was doing in this dream but I do remember it was sunny, and my hair was somewhere between Catharine zeta jones and the little mermaid. It was a good one. Two nights ago I could not get my feet warm while I was trying to sleep. So I took out my heating pad and wrapped it around my feet then fell asleep. Well when I woke up that precious little heating pad had moved it's way up to my head. Needless to say I woke up in a pool of sweat. Awesome. The best part was I had just straightened my unruly curly hair the day before and now half of it was doing an impression of Carrot Top. After I dealt with all that I went down stairs to make something for breakfast. I made the mistake of opening the fridge. A lovely jar of mayonnaise fell out of the side door and of course broke. There was mayonnaise on my feet, all over the floor, the fridge, the table (we have a small kitchen) and all I could do was just stare. As I watched my worst nightmare of smelly gooey sickness start spreading to all the dark places like under the fridge I seriously contemplated packing up all our things and moving before even beginning to clean that crud up. It was just one of those messes where you wish you could tap out and let someone else handle it. The snowball has begun. No hot water for my shower next. Poked my self in the eye with eyeliner, which turned out pretty bad seeing how I left the house looking like one eyed winkey. Reached in my new purse to get my keys to find some lotion had exploded. Cut my hand at work. The list goes on and on. When I got home I was not a happy camper. I had a great idea though. I was going to clear some space, turn on some music and just dance like in Greys Anatomy. It wasn't all that bad, I started dancing and thought "hey this is working! i feel better!" That's right about the time where I got a little too into it and decided to hoist my self up on brad swivel work chair. It never really occurred to me that those kind of chairs are not meant for a healthy dancing girl, after one spin, that thing flung me off, head first into brads stereo. I wish I could say it was a soft landing. I'm sure I resembled at that moment a crate of mannequin parts being shipped off. Limbs every which way. The end result was an unharmed stereo and a few bruises on me. I got into bed that night I felt the heating pad. I ripped that sucker up and threw it out.

"Cry me a river"

Brad and I just watched the last episode of the tonight show with Conan O'brien. I cried. I felt dumb but then I realized that oh hey I'm crying! I never cry. So to be honest I kind of felt relieved seeing how I was worried about my stone cold heart. Maybe it's a little off that I decided to make my soft and squishy emotions debut on a late night talk show but hey that's the kind of girl I am. I have always been a fan of Conan O'brien, for as long as I can remember. He truly is the last face I see before I shut my eyes at night. I guess I should add that I love my husbands face more right now. But I really do watch his show every night on hulu (my fav) before I go to sleep. It's an end of an era. So if you cried as well, don't feel embarrassed. Don't feel ashamed. Don't feel badly that you didn't even have one little tear shed on your own wedding day and had to hand your new husband your handkerchief that your mother made you in case you cried and you even bought expensive waterproof mascara because surely you'd be a mess and you needed to take pictures but oh wait you have a stone cold iron-plated heart so you remained untouched even though you tried to think of something really sad so that people wouldn't think you were weird and not "feeling" the moment. No no, you save the good stuff for cancellations of late night talk shows. It's totally normal. For the record I was "feeling" it. Just not as much as when CoCo said good-bye I guess. Whoops.

p.s: yesterday I made the best cd mix of all time. seriously it's epic I even may have teared up while playing it. Just don't tell Brad. I am thinking I want to do my first blog give-away! So if you want to win one of my amazing mind-blowing face melting mix's leave a comment below. Also you probably will have a 1 in 5 chance so I'd do it. It'll make you happy. And I cant promise anything, but you'll probably lose 5 pounds just listening to it. It's that good.

"Dancing at discos Eating cheese on toast Yeah you make me merry make me very very happy"

I think I go to the gym every day so that I can come home and eat this: Brie Cheese (my fav) magically paired with a baguette:

I'm probably not losing any weight doing this and going to the gym is pointless but I don't care I love it. Which brings me to my next point, I think that I was born in the wrong era/country. I believe I am a sun-kissed, 1940's, french woman masking as an albino, 2010 girl living in Ohio. Why? I don't know, but I'll just keep playing this role until I figure it all out and can finally unveil the true me. I'll start planning the party now. I already have the menu (see pictures above). On another random note, I'm not sure if I should do this or not but I feel like I need to publicly claim and document this as evidence. I figured out the name I am going to give one of my daughters (no my eggo is not prego)....... get excited...... June Wallis.... Little June bug... Junie Bee..... the list goes on and on. I LOVE it... so don't steal it our I will hunt you down. Also I need to have the baby in June to have it make sense. Which means I need to get pregnant.... well 3 months ago... crap.

Father, I can not tell a lie, I cut the tree

I have a confession to make. I need to be freed from this false identity i have been portraying. Get ready. My heart is beating as I type. It's confession time.

I Love Wal-mart.

Phew. That feels good to finally say it! I no longer have to quickly make excuses if ever caught shopping at wal-mart like " oh my normal fancy grocery store was closed today because they had to polish their marble floors, so I had to come to this disgusting place, can you believe it?, ugh!" . I no longer have to join in the discussions of the grossness of my hidden love. Because here's the thing people. You just can't get a better deal. Where else can you buy fabric, fruit, cotton balls and window washing fluid under 10 bucks. Where? Where else can you go to the bank, get your nails done, pick up some milk, park your RV for a week at a time, drop off your dry cleaning, get your hair corn-rowed, eat a subway sandwich and rent a redbox dvd all under one roof?

Sure you have to deal with check out clerks that act as if you took them on a date and then never called. Sure you are surrounded by the smell of hygiene strikes and tobacco. And okay occasionally you'll pick up a box a cereal that is curiously covered in some unknown sticky substance. Ok, you'll probably run into the special feature from America's most wanted last night. And yes you probably will awkwardly witness a moment between shameless mother and naughty child that should really be saved for home. And okay while we're being honest the walk from your car to the door is a human version of frogger. But I don't care. Because between the cheap deals, unbeatable people watching and "friendly" fun looking greeters, wal-mart is the best.

-wow that feels good to get of my chest.

New Years Resolutions

I have a big list of new years resolutions for the big 1-0. Lululemon.com has a great program you can use to create your goals and keep on top of them. To name a few:

:Read the book of mormon

:Write in my journal everyday people, everyday!

:Take more pictures

:Purdge the closetola

:Get down to my goal weight by our anniversery only 7 more pounds!

:Read a new book once a month

:run 5 miles without stopping (probabily the hardest one on this list)

:pay off my credit card (suzie ormon would be proud!)

:practice rockband for at least 20 minutes a day

:drink more water and take a multi-vitamin everyday

:more fruits!

:even more veggies!

:Only sweets on sundays!

and the list goes on and on! But so far I'm doing good. My little honey bunches of oats (sorry brad) got me a wonderful gift for chirstmas this year. It looks like this:

Its called the ten year journal, your get four lines for everyday and each paige is a day for ten years!! Its perfect for me! And so far I have wrote in it everyday!